What if nothing is personal?
When you get your feelings hurt, try this powerful little thought.
In this post I want to share with you a little gem of a thought that can really help shift your mindset in all the little situations that come up in life that tend to hurt our feelings, or make us feel angry and defensive. One of my favorite thoughts is:
“What if it’s not personal?”
This thought can almost instantly ease your mind whenever you are feeling put off, hurt, rejected, ignored, or even attacked. In those moments, if you can just pause and say to yourself “It’s not personal.” you will feel a shift in your energy that can instantly help you feel more calm. You can even say the words out loud if needed. (Did you know that words spoken out loud have greater energy? Super cool, right?) Even if something someone else says or does feels extremely personal, you could say “It’s probably not personal.” or “It’s possible that it’s not personal.”
Taking it a step farther, even if someone purposely tries to hurt you, and says mean things attacking you, and it is definitely personal, you could choose to say to yourself “I’m not going to take this personally.”
Another person's words and actions are their responsibility and come from their thoughts. You do not need to believe them or internalize them.
While you should never use this thought to excuse abusive behavior, there are so many great applications of this mindset in everyday mom life.
For example, if your teenager blows you off or blows up at you, you could choose to think, “It’s probably not personal, he is probably going through a lot with everything going on in his life right now.” You could even tell yourself a story about how he might have broken up with his girlfriend, or gotten a bad grade on a test, and that’s what’s on his mind that he’s not openly sharing. I think that our kids actually know that it’s safe to lash out at mom when it is really someone or something else that is upsetting them. (Again, we are not talking about unacceptable or abusive behavior here, but just normal mood swings and daily interactions that make us feel reactive when we don’t need to.)
In other situations, some version of It’s not personal, or I’m not going to take this personally will really empower you and help you stay positive when others say and do things that hurt your feelings.
When your husband is not paying attention to you or seems distant and thoughtless...it’s not personal.
When you don’t get invited to do something and you feel left out...it’s not personal.
When your kids don’t seem to know or care about your life or feelings...it’s not personal.
When a friend said she wanted to have lunch and then she never called...it’s not personal.
Give others the benefit of the doubt. Choose to love them as they are, and give them grace no matter what. Then ask yourself how you could think about the situation in a different way.
Could it be that you actually are awesome and loveable, but maybe in that moment they are just not in a position to give the love, support and attention that you need?
Could they maybe be going through something really hard and you could be patient and understanding?
Maybe they just forgot or got busy and didn’t get around to doing the thing you hoped they would? (Happens to all of us, right?)
Maybe they are doing their best just like you but they are not perfect?
Try adopting this mindset and applying it to the many interactions you have with others that make you feel sensitive and vulnerable.
Just say to yourself… “It’s not personal.”
“It’s about them and it doesn’t mean anything about me.”
”I can choose not to take this personally.”
“I can give them grace and not get upset or react right now.”
Like everything else I try to teach with mindset, this simple thought puts you in the driver’s seat of your life and doesn’t give others control over your emotions and experience. Tying your emotions to other people’s words and actions is like riding a runaway train. It’s going to be a wild ride that feels out of control. It is so much easier to say and believe that nothing that anyone else says or does is personal, or to choose not to take it personally.
Even if you feel hurt and unloved, you can choose to love and support yourself and take care of your own emotional needs. Try finding a little patience and a few kind words for yourself and for others. Everyone is on their own journey and going through their own stuff. Chances are really good that whatever they said or did is actually not personal, it’s just about where they are at in their head and in their own life right now.
Everyone gets busy, distracted, grumpy, angry, and overwhelmed. When people feel those emotions they are not at their best and they may not treat others the way they would like to. Give them the benefit of the doubt, or as my dad used to say, “Cut each other maximum slack.” You will be happier, and they will have a safe space when their emotions feel out of control.
This little life hack (or maybe it’s just a thought hack) will save you a lot of mental stress and let you stay in your own head and in your own business. That’s where you have all the control and where you can find peace and calm in spite of what’s going on with others around you.
***Try this for yourself….Before you stop reading and move on with your life, I invite you to try this out right now. Think of a situation that has made you feel hurt or offended lately, and consider that it might not be personal or that you don’t have choose to take it personally. I think you will start to notice a difference in how you feel that will help you get some leverage over the situation. If it doesn’t happen right away, just let that thought sit with you and give it a chance to open up your mind to a different way of thinking that can help you feel better. Let me know how it goes for you.
XOXO
Rachel
