How to be “the bomb" mom
I’m not much of a music person, but I do listen to my one playlist (simply called My Likes) whenever I’m in the shower. My playlist mostly has songs that get me really energized and inspired. So this morning I was listening to the words of Meghan Trainor’s Mom Song, which is a super cute song she wrote for her mom. Meghan says…
You might have a mom she might be the bomb but ain’t nobody got a mom like mine…
I started thinking about what it mean’s to be “the bomb” mom and that’s what inspired this post. You might be surprised by what I have to say and it’s probably not going to be what you think. That’s because being the bomb mom does not have anything to do with your kids and what’s going on with them. It doesn’t have anything to do with what they think of you and your parenting or your relationship with them. And it’s not about how fun you are and if all the neighbor kids want to hang out at your place. (Although if that’s important to you I encourage you to cultivate that kind of environment in your home!)
While I love that Meghan Trainor thinks that her mom is the bomb, I want all of us to know that we are the bomb mom even if we never hear that from our kids. I say that because being the bomb mom is about where you are at in your head with your belief in yourself and your ability to show up as the mom you want to be, regardless of what your kids think, say or do. So here are five ways that you can become the bomb mom.
One- Do not get on the kid's emotional roller coaster.
I don’t care what age your kids are or how many you have, their mood and energy are going to go up and down every day of their lives. If you let their feelings and their actions dictate your mood and how you feel about yourself as a mom, you will literally be a train wreck at least half the time. You might as well tie your emotional well-being to the rise and fall of the stock market because it is about that volatile!
In this post I will not get into how to avoid taking on your kid’s moods and energy, but I will just say this..If your kids are “down in a hole” so to speak, you cannot help them with what’s going on with them if you are down in the hole with them. If they are feeling super sad, temperamental, frustrated, or they’ve gotten in a lot of trouble, the best thing you can do for them is to be calm and collected and believe that things are going to be OK for them
If you can show up with the attitude that they are going to be OK, you will also be OK so much more of the time. When you’re ok, you will be better able to be the mom you want to be.
Two- Be intentional about how you show up each day.
I’ve said it before…as moms we set the mood and tone for the home, and that’s a good thing! I mean, we don’t want our toddlers to set the mood, do we? Like it or not, we are the cheerleaders, encouragers, emotional support animals, and the chief keep-it-together officer of the home. If you want a positive energy in your home, let it start with you, and don’t give up if other people are not showing up in a positive way. In those not-so-great moments say to yourself that’s why they have me. I can handle this situation without freaking out or melting down.
Now I know there are going to be days when you are not feeling great yourself and you’re not a robot that can be happy no matter what, but we always have a choice about we whether we are going to do our best to show up in a happy and positive way each day. And on those days when we just kind of lose it, we can always explain, apologize, and try to do better as time goes on. It is totally ok for our kids to see us struggle and lose it at times. When we do, and then we work through it, we are modeling for them how to handle the ups and downs of life and learning to manage our emotions.
Three- Show up as the adult that you are in your family relationships.
No matter how old our kids are, as moms we are probably at least 20 years older than them, so we have the opportunity to bring our wisdom and maturity to our communication and the way we handle things in the family.
Again this won’t determine how your family members react and respond, but it will help us as moms stay in the mental space we want to be in and not get upset and offended when our kids are sad, upset, or angry. (Fill in any emotion here.)
Four – Create your own definition of success.
This is probably the most important one but I randomly put it as #4. :).
As moms sometimes we tell ourselves we are good or bad moms depending on how our kids react to our parenting, or how others might perceive us. And too often we tie our idea of being a good mom or not to how our kids choose to live their lives as they start to grow up and think for themselves.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you cannot control your kids, and I promise you really wouldn’t want to. What they do with the things that you’ve taught them and the way you’ve raised them is totally their decision when they become adults.
The thing that I encourage you to think about is what being a good mom means to you and then focus on how you can be the mom you want to be regardless of what happens with your kids.
To me, being a good mom means that I love, teach, encourage, support, and set a good example for my kids, but I don’t get in their business or tell them how to live their lives.
Loving, teaching, encouraging and setting a good example are all things that I can control, and if I do those things I feel I have done my job to the best of my ability.
Really spend some time here and think about what being a good mom means to you. The main thing I want you to think about is focusing on what you can do, not what others will think about what you do.
5- Be kind to yourself.
I’m talking about self-talk here. So many moms are so hard on themselves mentally, telling themselves they are bad moms or that they are somehow not measuring up to some made-up standard of what “good moms do”. It is so hard to show up in a loving way with your kids when you don’t love yourself. When we are critical of ourselves, we are often critical of others.
The way you talk to and encourage yourself in your efforts will make all the difference in how you feel in your life as a mom. I know this can be really hard because it feels like the stakes are so high with parenting and that our mess-ups and shortcomings are somehow going to permanently wreck our kids. But the truth is, God didn’t make any perfect moms, and we just can’t expect that of ourselves.
If you find yourself constantly cutting yourself down and thinking you aren’t a good mom, I beg you to give at least as much mental attention to focusing on your good efforts as you do on your so-called failures. You can’t belittle yourself into becoming a better mom. The best way to become a better mom is to believe that you are good and to know that you are always trying to improve. You are always going to be your kid’s mom, their only mom. And that means you have a lifetime to keep trying and getting better. Give yourself grace and space as you continue to grow. Once you’ve defined success for yourself, like I talked about in #4, try to stay focused on that and don’t get derailed by the opinions of others, including your kids, your neighbors, or your in-laws. :)
God sent your kids to you for a reason and He will make you equal to the task of loving and raising them. Prayer can be an absolute lifeline when raising kids, and even the simplest prayer can give you added strength when you need it. If prayer isn’t your thing, I hope you will find what helps you to get calm and centered so that you can approach your parenting from a clear-minded space most of the time. Finding peace in yourself will do so much to bring peace into your family.
If you want some help with becoming the mom you want to be, head over to my coaching page and get signed up for a coaching session. I’d love to talk to you and support you in your journey. And as always, if you enjoyed this post please leave a comment, subscribe to get updates, or share on social media using the links on the side or bottom of the post.
Hang in there, momma! You’re doing great!!!
XOXO
Rachel
