Your marriage & your money
Today I wanted to share a little bit of a conversation I had with my hubby recently because I think it illustrates so well how couples can think so differently and yet be such a good team when it comes to money or any other aspect of marriage.
We were talking about a purchase we were going to make and my husband Mark said “We can’t spend too much because we are bleeding money right now.” I was so surprised by this statement that I was like, “What are you talking about?” I knew he was at least partly referencing the fact that we have been pouring money into renovations on one of our investment properties, along with some other big expenses we’ve had lately, but it was still a surprise to hear that he was thinking about those things as bleeding money.
It really never occurred to me in a million years to think of those expenses as bleeding money.. You know why? Because to me those expenses are what I call GREAT INVESTMENTS!!!
Isn’t it interesting that the same circumstance of spending the same amount of money could cause one person to get stressed and feel like they were bleeding money, and their partner could be super happy about it because they thought it was money very well spent? That really goes to show you that even in the best of marriages there are just basic differences in how each partner thinks about things. And that is a very good thing!
A marriage is a partnership with two very different people coming together to support each other and to grow through sharing perspectives and learning from each other. We can see these differences as big problems where one person is right and one is wrong, or we can consider our partner’s perspective and allow ourselves to gain greater understanding of each other whenever differences arise.
Mark and I know we are very different in many ways, but we see that as an asset in our marriage. One of the ways this really benefits us is that we both bring our strengths to the table and work together on financial decisions. Usually what happens is I have a big idea about spending money, and Mark will put it into a spreadsheet and see if it makes sense on paper.
In this way I have gotten him to take some risks he would never have thought of, and he has gotten me to calm down, think logically, and make decisions from a more rational perspective. Through this process we have been able to make some very smart investments over the years where we both had some buy in, rather than one of us making all the investment decisions.
You might tend to think that one approach is better than the other, but we have come to appreciate that we really benefit from both perspectives. One thing that really helped us was some coaching we got on a podcast with marriage coach Natalie Clay (linked below). In a nutshell, Natalie helped us see that I can bring the fun and the risk taking into our marriage, and Mark can help us make sure we have money for upcoming big expenses like cars, college and retirement. The way she said it is that I am the fun department and he is the retirement department-and we need both! I hope you’ll take time to listen and apply what you can learn to your marriage.
Even if you have a spouse that isn’t really open to your perspective, you can choose to be open to theirs and show up as the kind of partner you want to be. Usually people will come around if they feel like they are being heard and respected for their opinions.
It’s been said that financial problems are a major cause of divorce, but I think this could be addressed if couples were more willing to try to put their heads together and see how they can use each of their strengths to get to where they want to be financially.
If this has been a struggle for you in your marriage, I hope you will consider how you can bring some positive change into the situation. As I always say, stressing about money doesn’t pay the bills. You know the saying…be the change you want to see in the world. That’s a great true principle!
I’ve always had a very abundant attitude towards money, and it has served us very well. I generally take the approach that life is for living and money is for spending. Which is probably exactly why God gave me a husband who really knows how to manage money! :)
Whether you are more like me or my husband in your approach to money, just know that your financial strengths are important and bring a needed component to your marriage. Both of you have an important role to play in helping your family succeed financially.
Can you see ways in your marriage that your different approaches to money could be supportive and complimentary rather than frustrating and divisive?
Drop a comment below and let me know if you are more of a “Life is for living and money is for spending.” kind of mom, or if you are more of the planning, budgeting, spreadsheet ninja type. And also, if your husband might think I’m a bad influence for saying that you should take risks and spend all your money, please don’t tell him you heard it from me lol. I’m just kidding! I would never say that, but I do think that sometimes we all get into money scarcity and we really don’t make our best decisions from a place of fear of the future.
If you enjoyed this post please share using the sharing links and subscribe where you see the envelope below so you never miss an update. Also see below for links to our podcast interview with marriage coach Natalie Clay. For privacy reasons she called us Meaghan and Jake but its really us. ;)
See you next time. Take care, Mommas!
XOXO
Rachel
