Intro to the Mindset Management Method: 4-steps to create a positive mindset
“You can’t have a positive life and and a negative mind.”
Being such a firm believer in the power of positive thinking, I’ve always wanted to find a simple, step-by-step way to help people develop a positive mindset.
I truly believe that mindset is the #1 key to solving problems and creating the life you want.
After being married over 30 years, raising six kids, and now being the wife, mom, and grandma to a family of 18, I have found that my mindset about the people and problems in my life is what makes or breaks my experience in life.
I know life can be super crazy-hard and challenging, and that is why I think it is so important to manage your mind.
Basically you have to control your mind or it will control you.
No matter what your problems and challenges are as a mom, I promise you can start to tackle those challenges by starting with your thoughts. My simple 4-step process can help you with that no matter what the situation may be.
There are many situations that you probably wouldn't think you could deal with by changing your mind set. Maybe your baby isn't sleeping through the night? You can’t change the baby, but you can change how you feel about the situation. Or maybe your husband doesn’t help out around the house? It’s so much easier to change you and your perspective than to change your husband!
I could give a million examples, but for now I’ll outline my mindset management method and you can plug in whatever examples you want, and see how this can work for you.
Here is the short version of the steps with more detail below.
Recognize Reality
Notice the Negative
Provide a Positive Alternative
Take Action
Step 1-Recognize and Accept Reality
What is the current situation? This should be “Just the facts, Ma’am.” No elaborating. No dramatizing.
This will be things like…
What was said?
What happened or didn’t happen?
Other facts like how much money you owe (debt), or how much you weigh. Things such as a medical diagnosis, divorce, or other situation would also go in here.
Whatever is going on, just do your best to recognize reality and accept it. That doesn’t mean you are ok with it, just that it’s real and you have to decide how to deal with it. We will deal with your thoughts and feelings about it in step 2.
Step 2-Notice the Negative without Judgement
When it comes to any issue we are dealing with, there are always negative thoughts coming up that we may or may not be aware of.
A lot of our thoughts are repetitive, and that is usually the case with our negative thoughts. For any given sitatuation, you probably have about 5-6 repetitive thoughts about it. Whether it's your husband, your kids, your boss, your house etc that's bothering you, there are probably the same few thoughts rattling around in your mind and dictating your behavior.
(For an example of this, see my post about The Day My Kids Stopped Driving Me Crazy.)
We really do think the same things over and over without even realizing it. As moms we might think things like…
I’m always so sleep deprived and tired.
My husband doesn’t help me out around the house.
The kids are always fighting.
The house is always a mess.
Money is so tight, we are barely getting by.
These thoughts become our mindset, our perspective, and our way of thinking about the world. And when we think about the world in a certain way, we find lots of evidence to support our opinions. Our thoughts then become self-fulfilling prophecies that become our reality.
Negative thoughts come in many forms, but some examples might be thoughts that make us feel:
Frustrated
Hopeless
Worried
Stuck
Sad
Angry
Fearful
Anxious
The key here is to bring these negative thoughts to the surface and consider them without judging ourselves. It’s so easy to beat ourselves up over our negative thoughts, but that just compounds the situation. We are bringing them up to deal with them, so just let them come up and then we will deal with them in step 3.
Step 3-Provide a Positive Alternative Based On What You Want
Once you recognize what you are thinking and how that is affecting your behavior, you can consider some positive alternative thoughts that will help you create what you want in your life.
It can be surprisingly hard to figure out what we do want in life. Our minds tend to offer us a lot more ideas about what we don’t want. It is much easier to come up with thoughts like...
I don’t want to keep doing this job.
I don’t want to yell at my kids.
I’m sick of feeling tired all the time.
Our minds tend to naturally phrase things in that way, but considering what we do want is so important, and it is the key to moving forward.
One easy way to get in tune with what we do want is by turning the thought around and phrasing it in the positive.
I want to find a new job.
I want to be calm with my kids.
I want to have more energy to do the things I want and need to do.
From there you can work on creating new thoughts to help you get what you want.
For instance, if you want a new job, you could create a new thought like...
I’m going to look for a new job where I make $_____.
I’m going to look for a job that works around my schedule.
I’m going to look for a job I can do from home.
You can even go a step father and state your positive thought with certainty. In the job example you could think a thought like, I’m going to get a job that [fill in the desired result].
That kind of positive, intentional thinking opens your mind to start looking at options that might be available. Maybe it's a new way of doing things, or a new perspective on a situation you're dealing with.
You'll know when you've found a good thought because it will help you feel calm, peaceful, and confident. That kind of mindset is the best for taking action, which leads into step 4.
Step 4-Take Action From a Place of Calm and Confidence
Step 4 isn’t technically a mindset step, but it is the natural result of the new mindset that you create in step 3 above.
When you are calm and in a strong mindset, you can make decisions and a plan of action. Even if it’s just one small step in the right direction, towards what you do want, that is going to help you start to see changes in your life..
The new positive thoughts you create in step 3 will help you move forward in a calm and confident way. And here’s the thing…
Action reduces anxiety.
Whatever you identified as your negative thoughts in step 2 that are causing you to feel worried, frustrated or stressed, you can start to address with the actions you take going forward.
You don’t have to know everything you need to do, but you can take a step or two. The next right steps will come to you as you move forward. Even small steps in a new direction will give you confidence and encouragement to keep going.
This is just an introduction to my way of approaching mindset, and I’ll break these steps down more in future posts. But for now I encourage you to look at one or two of the trouble spots in your life and see if you can apply the 4-step Mindset Management Method I’ve outlined above.
Copy and paste these steps into a note on your phone, and give it a try.
1-Recognize Reality
2-Notice the Negative
3-Provide a Positive Alternative
4-Take Action
I hope that plugging your own situations into these simple steps helps you start to get some traction with anything that’s hanging you up or stressing you out in your life. I promise there is always a new way to look at things that can really help you change your life for the better.
Let me know how it goes and what questions you have. You can comment below or email me at rachel@mom-mindset.com.
XOXO
Rachel
