If it’s not a clear yes, it’s a no.
As moms we have so many decisions to make all the time for ourselves and our families. There are so many choices about how to spend our time, money, energy and attention. Sometimes it can be really hard to know if we are doing the right thing in any of these areas.
In my post last week about simplifying your home, I mentioned a rule I like to use to decide whether I am going to keep or donate something. My rule is…
If it’s not a clear yes, it’s a no.
While I definitely use this guideline for clearing out closets and storage spaces, it has so many other applications in mom life that I wanted to expand on other ways to apply this concept. Keeping in mind a thought like this can really help free up some mental space. And around here, we are all about keeping a clear mind so you can focus on the most important things in life!
So how can you apply this simple thought to help you make quick decisions? Well if you always find yourself asking if you should do this or buy that, run it through this thought filter…
If It’s Not a Clear Yes, It’s a No.
I first started applying this idea to shopping decisions as I was trying on clothes. I’m kind of a crazy shopper sometimes, and I can get into what I call a “shopping trance”. That’s where I get overloaded with too many options and don’t make good decisions. I was always telling myself I could always return anything that didn’t work, but that got me into an endless cycle of buying and returning. Needing some parameters to help me make better buying decisions, I started to say to myself, If it’s not a clear yes it’s a no. This has been such a liberating thought for me and has simplified so many purchase decisions!
Here are some examples of how I apply this idea to purchasing decisions that you could “try on” as well:
If it doesn’t work well with other things I already own, it’s a no.
If it doesn’t fit quite right, it’s a no. (Especially if it’s a pair of shoes. Shoes should always be a clear yes right when you put them on!)
If I don’t know where I would put that item, it’s a no. (For household items.)
If it’s an impulse purchase, it’s a no.
If I find something that fits my body, my style, and my budget, it’s a YES! (Finally!)
I buy a lot less now and I have found that it really is better to have less of everything, than to have more of what isn’t quite working for you!
While this rule is good for shopping, there are so many other areas of life where this thought can be applied to help you have confidence in making decisions. Just like with spending choices, there are so many ways to spend your time and energy. It’s so important to set some parameters so that we can make sure that we have the time and energy we need for our own personal needs, and for giving to our families.
You can apply this question to the smallest of decisions like Should I stop and get McDonald’s tonight or go make something at home? to much bigger choices like accepting the responsibility of being PTA President.
Whenever your considering options you can ask yourself these kinds of questions and see if you get to a clear yes.
Should I get involved with that cause or committee?
Is this something I genuinely want to do, or am I doing it to please others?
Is this book, article, tv show, or activity worth the time I am spending on it?
How am I spending my time on social media? What amount is a yes and what feels like too much?
Will this investment of time give me something back in the future?
Am I really doing this for me, and is it working for me and my family?
The truth is you get to decide how you spend your time. Make decisions about your time that feel worthwhile to you. By spending time and effort on things that are a clear yes for you in your current stage of life, you will feel more peaceful and calm, and life will have more direction and purpose. The bible says
“To every thing there is a season, and time to every purpose under the heaven..” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
Even things you really want to do may not be right for this season of life. When all my kids were young and living at home, it took all my energy and focus to take care of my home and family. Knowing that was my most important “yes” at that time made it easier to wait and to say no to other options. Even getting my real estate license had to wait almost 30 years because for all those years it wasn’t something I was quite ready to commit to.
Your time as a mom is so precious and valuable. It is so important to be intentional about how you spend your time, money, and energy. One thing a lot of women struggle with is people pleasing-saying yes when we really want to say no, just to make someone else happy.
This is definitely a whole different blog post topic, but let me give you a quick way to tell if you are doing this…
If you feel a lot of anxiety about saying yes, you are probably trying to please someone else.
That’s all I’m going to say about that for now, but I’ll talk more about that another time. For now, we need to talk about the flip side of this.
Here’s the flip side…
The flip side of this is if there is something that is a clear yes, do yourself a favor and start being super intentional about focusing on it.
If your family needs some time away together, plan a great trip that fits in your budget.
If your yes is a weekly date with your husband, that will take some planning and creativity. And it will probably take saying no to some other demands on your time. Try to plan a few weeks in advance, and then do your best to make it happen as planned.
If it’s a clear yes for you to have family dinner on the table most nights of the week, that’s going to take planning early on in the week. It’s also going to mean making sure you don’t get distracted in the late afternoon when it’s time to be making dinner. (Talking to myself here.)
If your big yes is a crazy dream you’ve been holding onto, go for it if you think now is time! It’s too easy to put off things that feel risky or take us out of our comfort zone, but if you feel called to do something I encourage you to find a way to do it, at least in some small way if that is what you can do right now.
Above all when it comes to decisions, trust your instincts. Listen to that voice inside and follow what it says. I like to think of “the voice” as my shoulder angel. She always knows what is best, and all I need to do is listen. Your better angels really are talking to you and encouraging you all the time. Start to pay attention and you will find yourself saying yes more often to the things that really matter for you right now.
Talk to me in the comments below or email me at rachel@mom-mindset.com and let me know what this brings up for you. Do you have some clear yeses or some clear no’s that you need to honor at this time in your life?
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XOXO
Rachel
