Got problems? Here’s how to solve them like a boss!
Moms, do you ever feel like mom life is kicking your tail? I know I do! We have so many responsibilities and it seems like there is always something new and unexpected coming our way. Mom life is not for wimps. But that is ok because we are not wimps, and I’m here today to help you with one of the most important skills a mom can develop... Problem solving!
Let’s face it, mom life is full of problems and challenges. Problems come up almost everyday, and while some of them are really tough and overwhelming, many are pretty manageable if we just stay calm and think about our options. If we can drop the drama and decide that we are good at solving problems, we can find ourselves on the upside of life more often.
I’ve got some tips to help you tackle your problems with less drama and more confidence. And at the end of this post I’ve got one suggestion to change your thinking about problems that I think will really help you put problems in perspective. Even if you skip the rest of this post, jump down to the bottom and look for the mindset shift I’ll give you that can really make a difference.
So now let’s get into some helpful ideas on problem solving!
A friend once told me that…
If you have kids, you have kid problems.
If you are married, you have marriage problems.
If you have a car, you have car problems. Etc. etc. etc...you get the idea.
I sure have found that to be true, but of course since I like to encourage positivity, I have to flip that around to point out what else is also true. :)
If you have kids, you have kid joys.
If you have a marriage, you have someone to love.
If you have a car, you have transportation that probably works pretty well most of the time, etc..
I think we can all agree that we all have problems and we all have blessings, but sometimes it seems that our minds tend to dwell on the negative, making us feel bogged down in problems.
When this happens, I encourage you to adopt the mindset that every problem has a solution. This really is true. Even if we sometimes don’t like the options or the solution, there is a solution if we choose to work on our problems rather than trying to avoid them.
For example, money problems can be solved with more money, or by finding ways to cut expenses. We can even solve them by going into debt (at least temporarily).
Now I know you might be saying Duh! to that, but seriously money problems have the most obvious solution- more money. (Notice I said obvious and not easy.) If you can figure out a way to get more money or more time to pay, you can solve any money problem.
The majority of our problems can be broken down into a few basic categories.
Some common problems we might face as moms are:
People problems-relationship issues within the family.
Personal problems-things we deal with personally like depression or a lack of self-confidence.
Health problems-our own or someone else’s within the family, mental or physical.
House problems-see above “If you have a house, you have house problems.” :)
Money and employment problems.
There are more of course, but I think at any given time we are all dealing with at least two or three of these types of concerns.
The good news is that all of these things are solvable. The key is to stay calm and take a positive and proactive approach to taking care of problems when they arise. It’s so important to avoid self-pity, hopelessness, and despair. Even when problems leave us feeling devastated and very uncertain about the future, we can choose to have confidence in ourselves that we will be able to handle whatever life sends our way.
So what can you do when confronted with a problem?
Here are 3 steps you can take to stay calm while you work out solutions to your problems.
State the problem using just the facts.
Avoid blame, shame, and allowing yourself to feel like a victim.
Consider your options.
Do some research and ponder on possible solutions. Ask yourself which ones feel the most like you showing up at your best and make the best decision you can with the information that you have.
Take action on things you can control.
Do what you can do right now rather than waiting for others to change or offer support or help.
Here’s an example of how this could look:
Problem: My child has failed 3 classes and is 1.5 credit hours short of meeting his/her graduation requirements.
Options: I could talk to their teachers about makeup work in the classes they failed. (Better yet, I could let them do it.) They could take some online classes if there is time to complete any more courses before the graduation deadline.
I could do nothing and let them figure out some solutions, even if it means not graduating with their class. (That happens and it’s ok!)
Action: I decide what I want to do to help and do it without shaming my child or making the situation worse by stressing out and pressuring them about it.
Side note: I definitely have some experience dealing with school problems like I just described. In fact, I could probably be an honorary school counselor! One thing I can tell you from experience is that freaking out and losing sleep does not help your children get degrees. ;) I’ve also learned some things that have helped me help friends and family when they were in the same situation, which has been really awesome. Problems are like that, they almost always have an upside because we learn so much as we work through them.
So getting back to you and your problems... Let’s take a few minutes to apply this approach to your life. I want to encourage you to look at a problem that is weighing on your mind right now and then take a step back from it and ask yourself some questions.
What would someone else do if they were in your shoes? Is it possible that someone else might not even be bothered by this? Has someone else dealt with the same thing and found some good workable solutions? What advice would you give to a friend in your same situation?
Ask yourself some questions like those and then try applying the 3 steps I listed above. Listen to the spirit and wisdom inside of you and trust your instincts. You really do know what is best for you and your family in any given situation.
There are always solutions to be found and the best way to find them is to believe that you will.
A friend of mine once said, “You focus on your problems, you get more problems!”
Focus on finding solutions and you will make so much more progress.
At the risk of writing a really long post, I won’t go into all of life’s problems and the potential solutions, but I will just encourage you to think about some problems you are currently facing and ask yourself what are some possible solutions. If anyone has ever solved your same problem, there’s a way for you to do it too. Between God and Google there is literally a solution to every problem if you look for it and have the patience to stay the course while you work to get to the other side of your challenges.
Finally, I think it helps to remember that every problem is an opportunity for personal growth. Life’s challenges are there to teach us and help us change and grow. No matter what life throws at us there are always good things happening and reasons to smile. Freaking out, getting dramatic, and losing your stuff doesn’t pay the bills, fix your marriage, get the house clean, or get the kids to do their chores or homework. A calm and confident approach wins every time.
Now before you go, here’s my one mindset shift that I want to offer you to help you feel less weighed down with so many problems. The cool thing is it’s just a matter of word choice.
My best tip is to start replacing the word PROBLEM with the word SITUATION. Sounds simple but those words resonate very differently in the mind. Let’s look at the definition of both words.
PROBLEM: A matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome. A thing that is difficult to achieve or accomplish. Denoting or relating to people whose behavior causes difficulties to themselves and others.
SITUATION: A set of circumstances in which one finds oneself; a state of affairs. A condition or combination of conditions that exist at a particular time.
Would you agree that situation sounds so much easier to deal with than problem? Try substituting the word situation for problem whenever you can and see if you feel a little more confident that you can handle things. While you’re playing around with word choices, consider dropping words like urgent, critical, and serious. These kinds of words set off alarm bells in the mind, and make it hard to stay calm and rational, which is the best state of mind for tackling problems. *Oops, I mean situations. My husband always says that things at work are critical, and I tell him that sounds like someone is going to have to go to the ER if they don’t solve their banking software issues. He loves it when I give helpful suggestions about his word choices. ;)
Thanks for reading. I hope this was helpful and I’d love to hear your thoughts and questions in the comments below. You can also email me at rachel@mom-mindset.com.
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XOXO
Rachel
