The most important thing to know about mindset
“Your thoughts create your life. They are important little sentences.”
Do you know someone who constantly seems to be positive and see the bright side of life? Do you know someone who always seems to be caught up in drama and have lots of problems? I think we all know people on both ends of the spectrum from very positive to very negative. Most of us lean one way or the other, but we’re probably most often somewhere in the middle. Sometimes we’re happy and cheerful, sometimes frustrated, discouraged and overwhelmed.
I want to share with you today the most important thing I have ever learned about moods and feelings. This little gem of truth has the power to help you change your mindset about anything at any time. It is so simple, but so powerful. Here is the one thing I want to teach you above all else…
Thoughts create feelings.
That’s it. That is the simple truth about every feeling you ever experience, positive or negative or somewhere in between. From fierce anger to pure joy, it all comes from your thoughts.
I will forever be grateful to Brooke Castillo, founder of The Life Coach School, for creating what she calls the self-coaching model that has helped me fully understand this concept that has been an absolute game-changer in my life.
I’ve been blessed all my life with a positive outlook on life, and I knew that positive thinking was an important part of that, but Brooke’s model was what put all the pieces together for me. Sometime in another post I’ll break this down and explain it more, but here is a summary of the model that you can remember as CTFAR.
Circumstance: The facts of the situation.
Thought: Your thoughts about the situation, summarized in one sentence.
Feeling: The emotion created by your thoughts expressed in one word.
Action: What you do when you think the thoughts and feel the feelings about the circumstance.
Result: The outcome of all the thoughts and feelings you have about the circumstance and the actions you take from those thoughts and feelings.
That’s it. That cycle is repeating itself over and over again in your life in a million different ways, and knowing that can help you in virtually any situation.
But if you forget all of that or find it confusing, just remember the most important part...
Your thoughts create your feelings.
That’s it. The end. That is the gospel truth. I’ve seen it in myself and in others over and over again. Understanding this truth has the power to help you change your life experience in incredibly powerful ways.
Since this is a mom blog, I’ll just give you a few examples of how this relates to moms. I’m not going to use the whole model here, but just the thought/feeling part to show you how these two things go hand-in-hand.
If you think your kids are the cutest, most adorable things on the planet, you will feel joy in being a mom.
If you think the house is always a mess and you’ll never get on top of things, you will feel overwhelmed.
If you think your teenagers are awesome, you will feel love for them even when they drive you crazy because they are teenagers. :)
If you think you are failing as a mom because you yell at your kids, you will feel discouraged.
If you have an emotion that you are constantly feeling, especially a negative emotion, understanding just this part of the model will help you get some leverage over it because you will be able to identify the thoughts causing the emotion.
It’s also super helpful to pay attention to what brings you happiness in life and recognize the thoughts you have around that.
For example, if reading to your kids gives you the warm fuzzies, ask yourself why. You might find that you love how they snuggle up in your arms, and how it calms them down at the end of the day. Recognizing your positive thoughts in the moment can bring even more joy to the experience.
Tuning into your thoughts in any situation is the key to creating more of the good stuff you want in your life, like more joy, peace and contentment. It’s also the fastest way to start eliminating any unhelpful negative emotions like worry and frustration.
One little tip I would give you on this is to find a go-to thought that can help you when you’re struggling in your life as a mom. One that I really like is...
I am the best mom for my kids. If God had wanted them to have another mom He would have sent them to her.
The reason this thought works for me is because I really believe it’s true, and it reminds me that I don't have to be perfect. I am the mom that God chose for my kids, and He will give me all that I need to take care of them.
I’m for sure going to mess up, and I’m not always going to be at my best, but that’s ok. That’s just part of the deal with life on earth.
There are no perfect parents or perfect children.
I truly believe that my kids will benefit from the times I don’t do things right as much as the times I do. It will help them become more resilient and help them become better parents themselves as they look for ways to improve on the parenting that they experienced. They will come to understand that parents sometimes do things wrong, and the kids still come out okay. :)
This kind of a go-to thought can really strengthen you and help you feel confident and strong when you don’t feel like you’re doing your best, or you fear that you are failing at this whole mom gig. I’d encourage you to find a thought that works for you and repeat it to yourself often.
The goal here isn’t to eliminate all negative thoughts and be happy all the time because that is virtually impossible. But if you have some consistent thoughts that bring you down, take some time to examine them without judging yourself. There are probably just a handful of thoughts that consistently trigger the majority of your negative emotions.
On the flip side, if you want more of a positive emotion, look for the thoughts that bring about the emotions that you like.
It is tempting to think that it is pleasant circumstances that bring about our happy thoughts, but it’s never anything outside of you that creates your thoughts and emotions. It is always your thoughts. We know this because two people could be in the exact same circumstance and they would both have different thoughts about it. (More on this another day.)
I’d love to hear from you about this. Are there some thoughts and feelings that you’d like to change or eliminate? Some that you’d like to have more of? Drop a note in the comments or email me at rachel@mom-mindset.com.
XOXO
Rachel
