Moms, you deserve this everyday.
Hey Mommas,
With Mother’s Day just past, I wanted to share some thoughts with you that I hope will be helpful to some of you who struggle on Mother’s Day with feelings of inadequacy or frustration with yourself. Feelings that you’re never able to do it all in spite of your best efforts and good intentions.
Even if you feel pretty good about your mom life, I want to share a little mindset hack that can help you generate more positive emotions every day. And when Mother's Day rolls around, I want you to double down on this gift to yourself so you don’t have to wait for your husband or kids to give it to you.
What is this wonderful gift you can give yourself that will create an instant surge of positive energy? It’s the gift of self-appreciation.
What do I mean by self-appreciation? Basically it’s like when you express appreciation for someone else, except you do it for yourself. ;) The dictionary definition of appreciation is: recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something. It can also be defined simply as gratitude
Part of the reason this has been on my mind lately is because I see my own kids raising their kids and I just want to hug them so tight and say, “Do you know how amazing you are and how lucky your kids are to have you as parents?!” I literally cannot believe I did what they are doing now. (God definitely gets all the credit and the glory!) Watching my own kids and other parents has made me realize and appreciate how much work, energy, and love it takes to raise little ones! And even when your kids are grown you are always a mom and always giving of yourself.
Mothering, in all ages and stages of life, is the most demanding and fulfilling role a woman can play.
I really didn’t appreciate myself and my efforts enough as a younger mom, and I really wish I would have. It is so easy to get focused on all our perceived faults and failings, and overlook the impressive list of things we are doing each day.
I know in my life I never thought to appreciate the fact that I did the laundry, made the dinner and got the carpool to school on time, because I was always so focused on how much more there was to do. Putting kids to bed, taking care of the yard, paying the bills, etc. There really is no end to a mother’s work. (This goes for fathers’ too, but I’m talking to the moms here.)
What I wish I had done, and what I encourage you to do, is to pause once or twice a day and notice and appreciate all that you are accomplishing. Maybe when you’re getting ready for bed, you can look in the mirror and say Hey, thanks for everything you did today. You worked hard! And then mentally name some of the things you accomplished. And when you want to dismiss those things as being “what every mom does”, remind yourself that is how the world keeps running. It’s moms like you who do the everyday tasks that keep people alive and well.
This is such a simple thing that it would be easy to dismiss it as something that wouldn’t make a difference. But think about how good you feel when someone notices and appreciate your efforts. Doesn’t that make you feel like a million bucks? There’s nothing like a little praise to lift your spirits. And there is nothing wrong with giving it to yourself. Being your own best friend and cheerleader is actually one of the best things you can do for yourself.
Take just a minute to think back on all you’ve done the last couple days. Once you’ve thought of a few things you’ve done, pause and appreciate your own efforts. I think you will find that it feels really good. Hold onto that feeling and start to make a practice of doing it regularly.
And when you start thinking of things to appreciate about yourself, think about more than what you do. Remember one of the the definitions of gratitude is recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something. What are some of your best qualities?
Here are 3 things you can appreciate about yourself that aren’t things you do:
Character Traits. What are your best character traits? Are you generous, patient, grateful, optimistic, open minded, kind or thoughtful? Give it some thought and then give yourself some gratitude for developing those character traits.
Good Habits. You’ve probably got a lot of these and don’t even think about it. Whether you always make the bed first thing or are really good at being on time, I guarantee you’ve got some good habits. Praise yourself for them just like you would your kids. If that feels weird, you can just pay attention to the good feeling you get from making the bed, showing up on time, or whatever good habits you have established.
Progress You Have Made. None of us are ever standing still. We are always in a process of growth and creation. Where have you made progress in your life that you haven’t thought to acknowledge? One of mine that has taken decades of effort is keeping my horizontal surfaces clear. I used to have piles everywhere and now I’m down to just a few areas that still need help. (I’m looking at you, laundry room!)
I bet you are really good at noticing and praising the good in others. Doing this regularly for yourself will help you start to see that you do enough and you are enough. No matter what the ages and stages of your kids, you give body mind and soul to being a mom and you should feel really good about that.
Even the fact that you are here reading this blog shows that you want to be the best mom you can be. Appreciate that about yourself. You don’t have to wait for Mother’s Day and then hope that your family will give you some big show of appreciation. You can give it to yourself everyday because you deserve it.
Moms, you are doing amazing! Keep up the good work!
XOXO
Rachel
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