Question: I find it difficult to manage my frustration with my young children, even though I know they are young and don’t really know better. I always intend to be calm but I lash out unexpectedly. How can I control the urge to yell and get upset with my children so easily?

Answer: Frustration is an emotion that comes from our thoughts. Yelling is what we sometimes do in reaction to our frustration and anger. It makes sense that we do this because it usually works to get our kid's attention pretty quickly. But if you want to yell less, it will help to look back on the last couple situations where you found yourself yelling and ask yourself what you were thinking in those moments. For example, maybe you were frustrated because you were thinking they made a mess when you had just cleaned up. What happened when you yelled at them? Did they clean up? If they did, that would give your brain evidence that yelling works. The best way to start to fix this is to figure out what kinds of situations get you upset with the kids and why. Then ask yourself what else you could be thinking that would help you stay calm in those situations. You mentioned that they are young and don't know better. Does that thought help you feel more patient and calm? Try out that thought next time you start to get upset with the kids and see if you have less of an urge to yell. When you do have the urge the secret is not to resist it but to feel it and not answer it. Kind of like when you want to face plant into a carton of ice cream but you don't because you know you're not going to feel good after eating it. :) When you do yell at them, be patient with yourself as you keep working on staying calm. Patience is a skill that comes with time and practice. Each time you yell, you have an opportunity to apologize to your kids and model for them how to fix mistakes.